When You Just Don't Want to Do It Anymore
Have you ever woken up with a YES hangover - you said yes to an activity, an event, a relationship, a job or business that sounded SO great at the time...
To realize that you are just not feeling it, out of energy, with no end in sight, wondering what happened?
Russell Brunson tells a story about waking up one day, knowing the company he was building (before he co-founded Clickfunnels), was taking off like wildfire, yet he didn’t want to get out of bed. Why? Because he had built a company with a mission that didn’t inspire him.
What to do?
I've recently joined a coaching group led by Tim Grover, author of Relentless, and the most compelling mentor I’ve run across yet. He says, “You have to stop thinking.”
Just make a decision, cut it loose.
The problem is, when I've pushed myself into a confused, fatigued corner, it's very hard to know what is causing what. I can stop thinking and act, but in that state I don’t trust my actions are coming from my best place.
You see, we all have decades of learned behaviors covering our natural instincts, so we may find ourselves, well, thinking...
Was it all just a bad idea to begin with? Is it me?
If circumstances were different would I enjoy this?
If I just knew what to change, would this work?
He Told Us So.
Peter Drucker, the 20th century’s favorite Corporate Dad, told us in no uncertain terms to build on our strengths.
In fact, he said, “To focus on weakness is not only foolish, it is IRRESPONSIBLE”.
Ouchie. You can almost hear him finishing that sentence with your full name, like your mama used to when she was mad at you.
So if Job 1 is to build on our strengths, then our homework is to clearly identify our strengths, right?
You would think by midlife we would have this part down. I mean, most of us have had some sort of personality testing, if not full-on therapy, by this point.
Well, if you still don’t have actual clarity, you are not alone. You see, by our 50's we have decades of practice masking our natural inclinations to please others. J.T O'Donnell, Founder of WorkItDaily.com, spent 15 years studying why up to 70% of Americans don't like their jobs.
He says the reason is they have prioritized praise and acceptance over doing what comes naturally.
This is one of the root causes of midlife distress as well. That 2 year old You that knows exactly what she wants is still in there, and not happy about being shut away in a box all these years.
What if there was a way to easily peel back the polite layers that mask our natural inclinations? What if we could clearly see which situations delighted our instinct-driven 2 year old self, as well as those that triggered tantrums of boredom or frustration?
Well, there is.
It's called the Kolbe Index.
Instead of measuring cognitive function, like SAT test, or personality traits, like Meyers-Briggs,
The Kolbe Index captures our instinctive responses that live in our older brain, the ones that are present at birth.
In theory, your Kolbe shouldn’t change over time, because it is very hard if not impossible to change our instincts.
So how does it work?
The Kolbe test is a series of questions that organize your instincts into 4 basic action modes.
Now here is the part that is annoying: The explanation of the modes is wordy and confusing.
This is part of the business model, of course. If they made it as simple as it should be, the company wouldn’t need to license an army of Kolbe specialists or create upsell products to help you interpret your results.
Lucky for you, according to my Kolbe score, I have a high instinct for fact finding. After spending a couple hours researching information on interpretations, this is my translation of each of the modes:
The test measures your instincts, on a scale of 1 - 10, in the following areas:
RED: “Fact Finder”: How much information you like to gather, process and deliver
BLUE: “Follow Through”: How much you enjoy organizing and follow through
GREEN: “Quick Start”: Tolerance for risk.
YELLOW: “Implementor'' - wait, isn’t that the same as Follow Through? I thought so too,
Turns out that Implementor is a confusing name for people who like to be hands on with physical objects, versus being OK with abstract concepts.
Why not just say “Builders?”
Here is what mine looks like:
In spite of the confusion in what to call what, here is an example of the kind of clarity Kolbe results can unravel for you:
If you were a very good student you might assume a high scores for Follow Through, because organization and getting stuff done is important to getting good grades.
In fact, a typical Kolbe score on Follow Through for good students and teachers is 8.
My Kolbe in Follow Through is a 4! Much lower than my 3.8 GPA would predict. (oh yes I did.)
I literally thought, "OMG I'm flaky! What will my Dad say?" I’m joking, but it is true, too.
In my house as I was growing up, I learned from an early age how follow-through and organization was a way to get approval, and good grades, which got me even more approval.
Recently, I was super exhausted after a recent launch. I kept thinking, What is wrong with me? Why am I so tired?
After taking the Kolbe, I see that all the tech and admin (follow through) related to the launch of an offer sucks the life right out of me.
I know that pulling together the big picture, creating the vision, and taking risk makes me happy, but I never considered that I should be leading MOST OF THE TIME with those qualities (Although as I look back now, I see that is exactly what I did in designing my personal life over the last 4 years.)
My small mind used to say, "Oh sure, doesn't everyone want to be the flaky visionary, Kala? Get to the real work."
Which meant, stay in the trenches with Asana, or Clickup, or distro for social media - all things that zap my energy faster than Superman sitting on Kryponite.
The point for you is this:
As you are designing what’s next for you in midlife, it is SUPER important that you pinpoint your energy leaks so you can focus your time on what comes easily to you, and plan for hiring or partnering for the rest.
In fact, the test results include a genius visual that tells you exactly what proportion of time you should spend on different activities, based on how much natural energy you have for each. This is a sample.
I’ll be plugging my percentages into my shiny new Best Self Co. Planner this weekend, which should make my inner 2 year old do a happy dance with her juice box.
Any other Kolbe fans out there? My numbers are 7472. What are yours?
All my best -
I am not an affiliate of Kolbe. Just passing it along because I think it can be helpful to you. https://www.kolbe.com/