On my first solo trip in Ecuador, 2015
I could never do that.
A friend said that on a call the other day, we were talking about stretch goals, and her comment has lingered with me since then.
I’ve just finished 2 days of batch shooting videos, about 30 total. I'm a little fried.
Yesterday’s focus was a lot of mindset content, and that has me thinking about fear. In my business, fear is usually the cute elephant in a pink tutu in the room. Most women have some fear of video.
When was the last time you saw something impressive and you thought, “I could never do that”?
I used to think that about a lot of things.
The problem is, it is not true most of the time. If you have the physical and mental capacity (and even those are wider and deeper than we give them credit for), there are many impossible things you can do.
Tony Robbins says “In life you either need inspiration or desperation”.
This is why you hear people like yours truly yammer on about the comfort zone. When we have places to hide, aka our comfort zone, we look outside of them and think, I could never do that.
What do places to hide look like? Well, it can be confusing, because sometimes they are the things that support us, too.
In my case, I hid behind my husband’s earning power for many years. I worked flex time but I was totally holding back so as not to rock the boat - mine, his, the kids.
When I was married, I used to see women entrepreneurs and think, “I could never do that”. I talked to a lot of them, I joined groups that supported them, I sat on my comfy couch and read about them, but I didn’t actually become one until I left the security of my ex-husband’s paycheck.
And that started me on the path of doing all sorts of scary, exhilarating things that I was sure I could “never” do a few years ago.
I’m not saying they have all been great choices. I’ve had branding missteps, spent money on courses and coaches that didn’t really pan out, (although some totally did), spent too much time on the wrong things, and confused my audience several times.
The heroine's journey is a hot mess. I'm finally narrowing in on a foundation but still a lot of work to do to solidify and clarify by January. The jury is still out on MANY fronts. I am constantly holding space for more uncertainty than I am comfortable with. It is exhausting at times. If you run your own business, you know.
But here is the thing - I have to keep moving, because I have no choice. I shed all my hiding places.
And here is the diamond that surfaces from the muck - when you do those things you could never do, no matter how imperfectly, you grow in ways you would not have thought possible, either.
The way it works for most people is, once you get a sense of your bigger goal, - I call it your trigger goal, the one that is tied to the reason you are on the planet at this moment, you can and will do just about anything to get there.
Your trigger goal provides laser focus and gives you Wonder Woman bravery where before there was, Oh, I could never do that. Or, I’ll do that later. Or, now is not the right time.
One of my clients has had a local coaching practice for many years. She focused on in-person workshops and was not that active on social media. She’s not a techie person.
One day, something clicked for her. She found her trigger goal.
She got tired of playing small. I’m not saying a locally focused practice is by default playing small. I’m saying for her goals, it was not going to get her to the next level.
Once she got focused, it was like watching a rocket take off. She shot several hours of video for a workshop in just a week. She was a model client - positive, responsive, resilient. She proceeded to do many things she “could never do” in her business, not just around video. I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings for her.
She didn’t have to get a divorce, or sell or donate all she owned and drive off into the sunset to make progress on her bigger dream. What she did was find her trigger, though - the goal that she wanted MORE than she wanted to stay comfortable.
So how do we do that? I don’t have the formula, to be honest. I would love to hear from you, actually.
I think it is a combination of creating a vision of the biggest life we could achieve, putting a stake in the ground 5 - 10 years from now, and going for it.
I also know that finding a tribe that is on a similar journey is essential. That’s one reason I love what I do. Most of the women I work with are on some version of the heroine’s journey I just described.
Thank you for reading. Have you found your trigger goal? If not, go find your trigger goal, your tribe, and get busy doing lots of things you could never do. And keep me posted!
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Kala is the Founder of Mirror Your Brilliance on Video.